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"The Lord... said in his heart: 'Never again will I curse the ground because of humans'"

Genesis 8:21, Bible (NIV)

"The Lord is going to lay waste the earth and devastate it; he will ruin its face... The earth will be completely laid waste... They have disobeyed the laws, violated the statutes and broken the everlasting covenant. Therefore a curse consumes the earth... earth’s inhabitants are burned up, and very few are left."

Isaiah 24:1-6, Bible (NIV)


God's promises are worth nothing, he can't even remember them, let alone fulfill them.




"Arphaxad was the father of Shelah"

Genesis 10:24, Bible (NIV)

"...the son of Shelah, the son of Cainan, the son of Arphaxad..."

Luke 3:35-36, Bible (NIV)


God didn't notice Cainan squeezing into Jesus' genealogy somewhere between the Old and New Testament version of his family tree.




"It came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham"

Genesis 22:1, Bible (KJV)

"Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man"

James 1:13, Bible (KJV)


God likes to leave contradictory messages in his perfect word and then punishes those who disbelieve. Let's make up an excuse to avoid it.




"The Lord appeared to Isaac"

Genesis 26:2, Bible (NIV)

"I [prophet Micaiah] saw the Lord sitting on his throne'"

1 Kings 22:19, Bible (NIV)

"No one has ever seen God"

John 1:18 = 1 John 4:12, Bible (NIV)


God didn't know Micaiah saw him, and God didn't do his homework of reading the Old Testament before inspiring John for new pieces.




"I [Jacob] saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

Genesis 32:30, Bible (NIV)

"He [God] said, 'you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.'"

Exodus 33:20, Bible (NIV)


God keeps forgetting things. This time he forgot his encounter with Jacob.




"The Lord said unto him [Moses]... Cast it [rod] on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent... And the Lord said unto Moses... take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand: That they may believe that the Lord God... hath appeared unto thee. And the Lord said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow. And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh... That they will believe the voice of the latter sign... If they will not believe also these two signs... thou shalt take of the water of the river, and pour it upon the dry land: and the water which thou takest out of the river shall become blood upon the dry land."


Exodus 4:2-9, Bible (KJV)

"A man also or woman... that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death"

Leviticus 20:27, Bible (KJV)


God is a master of double standards. He commanded that people who perform magic should be executed, yet he taught Moses magic tricks to perform in front of Pharaoh.




"The Lord said to him, 'Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?'"

Exodus 4:11, Bible (NIV)

"A man in the crowd answered, 'Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech'... he [Jesus] rebuked the impure spirit. 'You deaf and mute spirit,' he said, 'I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.'"

Mark 9:17-25, Bible (NIV)


Somewhere along the way to the New Testament, God delegated blinding, deafening, and muting people to evil spirits.




"The Lord is a man of war"

Exodus 15:3, Bible (KJV)

"The God of peace be with you all."

Romans 15:33, Bible (KJV)


''Unchanging" God isn't so unchanging.




"I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me."

Exodus 20:5, Bible (NIV)

"The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them."

Ezekiel 18:20, Bible (NIV)


God is confused by his own policies.




"Moses and Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, and the seventy elders of Israel went up and saw the God of Israel. Under his feet was something like a pavement... they saw God, and they ate and drank."

Exodus 24:9-11, Bible (NIV)

"God... whom no one has seen or can see."

1 Timothy 6:15-16, Bible (NIV)


God drank with them, so he didn't remember this meeting when working on the New Testament.




"Bezalel made the ark of acacia wood."

Exodus 37:1, Bible (NIV)

"I [Moses] made the ark out of acacia wood."

Deuteronomy 10:3, Bible (NIV)


It speaks of the same "ark of the covenant" for the tabernacle, but god of the Bible is confused as to who made it.



"If the whole Israelite community sins unintentionally and does what is forbidden in any of the Lord's commands, even though the community is unaware of the matter, when they realize their guilt and the sin they committed becomes known, the assembly must bring a young bull as a sin offering"

Leviticus 4:13-14, Bible (NIV)

"If you [the Israelites] as a community unintentionally fail to keep any of these commands the Lord gave Moses... and if this is done unintentionally without the community being aware of it, then the whole community is to offer a young bull for a burnt offering as an aroma pleasing to the Lord... and a male goat for a sin offering."

Numbers 15:22-24, Bible (NIV)


Goats of the time were really hoping people read Leviticus and skipped Numbers.




“If anyone sins and does what is forbidden in any of the Lord's commands, even though they do not know it, they are guilty and will be held responsible. They are to bring to the priest as a guilt offering a ram from the flock, one without defect and of the proper value. In this way the priest will make atonement for them for the wrong they have committed unintentionally, and they will be forgiven.

Leviticus 5:17-18, Bible (NIV)

"If just one person sins unintentionally, that person must bring a year-old female goat for a sin offering... One and the same law applies to everyone who sins unintentionally, whether a native-born Israelite or a foreigner residing among you."

Numbers 15:27-29, Bible (NIV)


Kill a ram for unintentional sin, or kill a goat for an unintentional sin? God can't figure out which one he wants you to do more.




"There are some flying insects that walk on all fours that you may eat: those that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground."

Leviticus 11:21, Bible (NIV)

"All flying insects are unclean to you; do not eat them."

Deuteronomy 14:19, Bible (NIV)


Pick one passage, ignore the other. Praise the uncontradictory Word of God!




"If a man has sexual relations with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days"

Leviticus 15:24, Bible (NIV)

"If a man has sexual relations with a woman during her monthly period... Both of them are to be cut off from their people."

Leviticus 20:18, Bible (NIV)


Even within the same book of the Bible — Leviticus — God can't figure out whether it's about the man being unclean for a few days or about both the man and the woman getting exiled from their people.




"If a man or woman wants to make a special vow, a vow of dedication to the Lord as a Nazirite... they must let their hair grow long."

Numbers 6:2-5, Bible (NIV)

"Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him?"

1 Corinthians 11:14, Bible (NIV)


It means that disgrace is an integral part of the dedication to the Lord. Agreed.




"They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation... And the Lord said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones" 

Numbers 15:32-35, Bible (KJV) 

"The new moons and sabbaths, the calling of assemblies, I [God] cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting." 

Isaiah 1:13, Bible (KJV)

"One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind."

Romans 14:5, Bible (KJV)

"Let no man therefore judge you... in respect of... the sabbath days"

Colossians 2:16 (KJV)


Murder for gathering some wood on Sabbath day. Later — but still in the Old Testament — says that Sabbaths are iniquity. Then also says that all days can be considered alike. This is the Bible.




"God is a consuming fire"

Deuteronomy 4:24, Bible (NIV)

"God is love"

1 John 4:8, Bible (NIV)


According to the Bible, God has mutually exclusive characteristics. He is a consuming fire yet loving. It's like a serial killer yet humane. Nonsense.




"God directed me [Moses] to teach you... take your oaths in his name."

Deuteronomy 6:1-13, Bible (NIV)

"Whoever takes an oath in the land will swear by the one true God."

Isaiah 65:16, Bible (NIV)

"I [Jesus] tell you, do not swear an oath at all... All you need to say is simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

Matthew 5:34-37, Bible (NIV)

"Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear — not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple 'Yes' or 'No'. Otherwise you will be condemned."

James 5:12, Bible (NIV)


The Bible has direct commandments to swear by God. But according to Jesus, they came from the evil one... And "above all" no people should ever swear, or they'd be condemned.




"Fear the Lord your God"

Deuteronomy 6:13, Bible (NIV)

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them... There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear... The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

1 John 4:16-18, Bible (NIV)


God became more sentimental in the New Testament times.




"The Lord your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart"

Deuteronomy 13:3, Bible (NIV)

"God left him to test him and to know everything that was in his heart."

2 Chronicles 32:31, Bible (NIV)

"He [God] knows the secrets of the heart"

Psalm 44:21, Bible (NIV)

"Lord, you know everyone's heart."

Acts 1:24, Bible (NIV)


It took God time to develop the skill of global heart-knowing unless the book means that he knows the hearts only after the tests, which would be quite a lame superpower.




"Parents are not to be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their parents; each will die for their own sin."

Deuteronomy 24:16, Bible (NIV)

"Samuel said to [king] Saul... 'The Lord Almighty says: "I will punish the Amalekites for what they did to Israel when they waylaid them as they came up from Egypt [~400 years ago]. Now go, attack the Amalekites... Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants"'"

1 Samuel 15:1-3, Bible (NIV)


God of inconsistency tells his followers that killing children for sins of parents is wrong, but later insists that the Israelites completely annihilate all the Amalekites as revenge for a one-time assault of the Israelites that happened around 400 years ago! Everyone who was alive back then died centuries ago. But God's craving for a massacre is much stronger than his analytical skills.




"I [God] have set before you life and death... Now choose life"

Deuteronomy 30:19, Bible (NIV)

"When the Gentiles heard this... all who were appointed for eternal life believed."

Acts 13:48, Bible (NIV)


God loves watching the puppet theater directed by himself. He tells people to make their choice, but it's later revealed that he secretly makes the choice on behalf of all of them in advance, and arranges people's feelings and actions accordingly. However, he keeps masking it as if it was the person's choice to go to hell.




"And it came to pass, when Samuel was old, that he made his sons judges over Israel. Now the name of his firstborn was Joel"

1 Samuel 8:1-2, Bible (KJV)

"The sons of Samuel; the firstborn Vashni"

1 Chronicles 6:28, Bible (KJV)


Samuel's firstborn was Joel or Vashni?




"Saul took a sword, and fell upon it. And when his armourbearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him."

1 Samuel 31:4-5, Bible (KJV)

"He [Saul] said unto me, Who art thou? And I answered him, I am an Amalekite. He said... 'slay me'... So I stood upon him, and slew him"

2 Samuel 1:8-10, Bible (KJV)

"The Philistines had slain Saul in Gilboa"

2 Samuel 21:12, Bible (KJV)

"Saul... enquired not of the Lord: therefore he slew him"

1 Chronicles 10:14, Bible (KJV)


The Bible has 4 different records of King Saul's death: 
1) killed by his own hands
2) killed by an Amalekite's hands
3) killed by Philistines
4) killed by God 
Only apologetic mental gymnastics can align them into a clean narrative.




"Sons were born to David in Hebron: his firstborn was Amnon... his second, Kileab... the third, Absalom..."

2 Samuel 3:2-3, Bible (NIV)

"The sons of David born to him in Hebron: the firstborn was Amnon... the second, Daniel... the third, Absalom..."

1 Chronicles 3:1-2, Bible (NIV)


God is confused as to who was the second son of David.




"When they came to the threshing floor of Nakon, Uzzah reached out and took hold of the ark of God, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord's anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down, and he died there beside the ark of God."

2 Samuel 6:6-7, Bible (NIV)

"When they came to the threshing floor of Kidon, Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark, because the oxen stumbled. The Lord's anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God."

1 Chronicles 13:9-10, Bible (NIV)


God can't remember where he killed Uzzah for securing the ark from falling down: at the threshing floor of Nakon or of Kidon.




"David smote also Hadadezer, the son of Rehob, king of Zobah... And David took from him a thousand chariots, and seven hundred horsemen, and twenty thousand footmen"

2 Samuel 8:3-4, Bible (KJV)

"David smote Hadarezer king of Zobah... And David took from him a thousand chariots, and seven thousand horsemen, and twenty thousand footmen"

1 Chronicles 18:3-4, Bible (KJV)


This contradiction between 700 and 7,000 captured horsemen — along with some other contradictions — has been "fixed" in more recent translations. God was unable to notice it earlier.




"Amasa was a man's son, whose name was Ithra an Israelite, that went in to Abigail"

2 Samuel 17:25, Bible (KJV)

"Abigail bare Amasa: and the father of Amasa was Jether the Ishmeelite."

1 Chronicles 2:17, Bible (KJV)


Ithra the Israelite or Jether the Ishmeelite? Or maybe Ithrajether the Israelishmeelite?




"The anger of the Lord burned against Israel, and he [God] incited David against them, saying, 'Go and take a census of Israel'"

2 Samuel 24:1, Bible (NIV)

"Satan rose up against Israel and incited David to take a census of Israel."

1 Chronicles 21:1, Bible (NIV)


The 'infallible' author mixed up God and Satan. Well, maybe that's OK because based on their actions the former is no better than the latter. 
P.S. The context of these verses clearly depicts the one and the same census in both passages.




"Joab reported the number of the fighting men to the king [David]: In Israel there were eight hundred thousand able-bodied men who could handle a sword, and in Judah five hundred thousand."

2 Samuel 24:9, Bible (NIV)

"Joab reported the number of the fighting men to [king] David: In all Israel there were one million one hundred thousand men who could handle a sword, including four hundred and seventy thousand in Judah."

1 Chronicles 21:5, Bible (NIV)


You can try playing around with these inconsistent numbers of the same census, but they're not alignable.

800,000 + 500,000 ≠ 1,100,000.

500K ≠ 470K. 




"[Prophet] Gad came to David, and told him... Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days' pestilence in thy land?'"

2 Samuel 24:13, Bible (KJV)

"[Prophet] Gad came to David, and said unto him... Choose thee either three years' famine; or three months to be destroyed before thy foes, while that the sword of thine enemies overtaketh thee; or else three days the sword of the Lord, even the pestilence, in the land'"

1 Chronicles 21:11-12, Bible (KJV)


7 years of famine or 3 years of famine for that same census?




"Solomon had forty thousand stalls of horses for his chariots"

1 Kings 4:26, Bible (KJV)

"Solomon had four thousand stalls for horses and chariots"

2 Chronicles 9:25, Bible (KJV)


40,000 or 4,000 stalls?




"In the four hundred and eightieth year after the children of Israel were come out of the land of Egypt, in the fourth year of Solomon's reign over Israel..."

1 Kings 6:1, Bible (KJV)

"The God of this people of Israel... brought he them out of it [Egypt]. And about the time of forty years suffered he their manners in the wilderness... And after that he gave unto them judges about the space of four hundred and fifty years... And afterward they desired a king: and God gave unto them Saul... by the space of forty years. And when he had removed him, he raised up unto them David to be their king... David the son of Jesse reigned over all Israel. And the time that he reigned over Israel was forty years"

Acts 13:17-22 + 1 Chronicles 29:26-27, Bible (KJV)


Behold the miracle of biblical math. Per one passage, Solomon succeeded David as king in the 476th year after the Israelites came out of Egypt, but the sum of the parts of the same period in another passage is 570 years.

480 - 4 ≠ 40 + 450 + 40 + 40




"It [the Sea of cast metal in the temple] held two thousand baths."

1 Kings 7:26, Bible (NIV)

"It [the Sea of cast metal in the temple] held three thousand baths."

2 Chronicles 4:5, Bible (NIV)


2,000 or 3,000 baths?




"Hiram sent his men... to serve in the fleet with Solomon's men. They sailed to Ophir and brought back 420 talents of gold, which they delivered to King Solomon."

1 Kings 9:27-28, Bible (NIV)

"Hiram sent him ships commanded by his own men... These, with Solomon's men, sailed to Ophir and brought back 450 talents of gold, which they delivered to King Solomon."

2 Chronicles 8:18, Bible (NIV)


420 or 450 talents of gold?




"In the eighteenth year of the reign of Jeroboam son of Nebat, Abijah became king of Judah, and he reigned in Jerusalem three years. His mother's name was Maakah daughter of Abishalom."

1 Kings 15:1-2, Bible (NIV)

"In the eighteenth year of the reign of Jeroboam, Abijah became king of Judah, and he reigned in Jerusalem three years. His mother's name was Maakah, a daughter of Uriel of Gibeah."

2 Chronicles 13:1-2, Bible (NIV)


Being born from multiple parents is something new. Where is a paternity test when God needs one?




"[King] Baasha rested with his ancestors and was buried in Tirzah. And Elah his son succeeded him as king... In the twenty-sixth year of Asa king of Judah, Elah son of Baasha became king of Israel."

1 Kings 16:6-8, Bible (NIV)

"In the thirty-sixth year of Asa's reign Baasha king of Israel went up against Judah and fortified Ramah"

2 Chronicles 16:1, Bible (NIV)


According to divine chronology, king Baasha started a war against king Asa 10 years after his own death.




"A chariot of fire and horses of fire appeared... and Elijah went up to heaven in a whirlwind."

2 Kings 2:11, Bible (NIV)

"[Jesus said]: No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven — the Son of Man [Jesus]."

John 3:13, Bible (NIV)


Jesus has a short memory.




"In the twelfth year of Joram the son of Ahab king of Israel did Ahaziah the son of Jehoram king of Judah begin to reign."

2 Kings 8:25, Bible (KJV)

"In the eleventh year of Joram the son of Ahab began Ahaziah to reign over Judah."

2 Kings 9:29, Bible (KJV)


12th or 11th year?




"Two and twenty years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign"

2 Kings 8:26, Bible (KJV)

"Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign"

2 Chronicles 22:2, Bible (KJV)


22 or 42 years old? It's the same king Ahaziah.




"Jehu killed everyone in Jezreel who remained of the house of Ahab... The Lord said to Jehu, 'Because you have done well in accomplishing what is right in my eyes and have done to the house of Ahab all I had in mind to do, your descendants will sit on the throne of Israel to the fourth generation.'"

2 Kings 10:11,30, Bible (NIV)

"The Lord said... 'I will soon punish the house of Jehu for the massacre at Jezreel, and I will put an end to the kingdom of Israel.'"

Hosea 1:4, Bible (NIV)


God has a split personality. He praises Jehu for killing Ahab's family, but in another passage, he punishes Jehu for that.




"King Josiah marched out to meet him in battle, but Necho faced him [Josiah] and killed him at Megiddo. Josiah's servants brought his body in a chariot from Megiddo to Jerusalem"

2 Kings 23:29-30, Bible (NIV)

"Archers shot King Josiah, and he told his officers, 'Take me away; I am badly wounded.' So they took him out of his chariot, put him in his other chariot and brought him to Jerusalem, where he died."

2 Chronicles 35:23-24, Bible (NIV)


God couldn't decide which story of Josiah's death he likes more, so he put both in the Bible: one story saying he died at Megiddo and his dead body was transported to Jerusalem; the other story saying he died only after he arrived at Jerusalem.




"Jehoiakim rested with his ancestors. And Jehoiachin his son succeeded him as king."

2 Kings 24:6, Bible (NIV)

"The Lord says about Jehoiakim king of Judah: He will have no one to sit on the throne of David; his body will be thrown out... I will punish him and his children"

Jeremiah 36:30-31, Bible (NIV)


Jehoiachin succeeded his dad Jehoiakim as the king without God knowing about it.




"Jehoiachin was eighteen years old when he began to reign"

2 Kings 24:8, Bible (KJV)

"Jehoiachin was eight years old when he began to reign"

2 Chronicles 36:9, Bible (KJV)


18 or 8 years old?




"On the seventh day of the fifth month, in the nineteenth year of Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, Nebuzaradan... came to Jerusalem. He set fire to the temple of the Lord, the royal palace and all the houses of Jerusalem. Every important building he burned down."

2 Kings 25:8-9, Bible (NIV)

"On the tenth day of the fifth month, in the nineteenth year of Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, Nebuzaradan... came to Jerusalem. He set fire to the temple of the Lord, the royal palace and all the houses of Jerusalem. Every important building he burned down."

Jeremiah 52:12-13, Bible (NIV)


On the 7th day or the 10th day?




"The bronze capital on top of one [temple] pillar was three cubits high and was decorated with a network and pomegranates of bronze all around. The other pillar, with its network, was similar."

2 Kings 25:17, Bible (NIV)

"The bronze capital on top of one [temple] pillar was five cubits high and was decorated with a network and pomegranates of bronze all around. The other pillar, with its pomegranates, was similar."

Jeremiah 52:22, Bible (NIV)


3 or 5 cubits high?




"The commander of the guard took as prisoners Seraiah the chief priest, Zephaniah the priest next in rank and the three doorkeepers. Of those still in the city, he took the officer in charge of the fighting men, and five royal advisers."

2 Kings 25:18-19, Bible (NIV)

"The commander of the guard took as prisoners Seraiah the chief priest, Zephaniah the priest next in rank and the three doorkeepers. Of those still in the city, he took the officer in charge of the fighting men, and seven royal advisers."

Jeremiah 52:24-25, Bible (NIV)


5 or 7 royal advisers?




"In the year Awel-Marduk became king of Babylon, he released Jehoiachin king of Judah from prison. He did this on the twenty-seventh day of the twelfth month."

2 Kings 25:27, Bible (NIV)

"In the year Awel-Marduk became king of Babylon, on the twenty-fifth day of the twelfth month, he released Jehoiachin king of Judah and freed him from prison."

Jeremiah 52:31, Bible (NIV)


On the 27th day or the 25th day?




"...Jehoshaphat his son, Jehoram his son, Ahaziah his son, Joash his son, Amaziah his son, Azariah his son, Jotham his son, Ahaz his son, Hezekiah his son, Manasseh his son, Amon his son, Josiah his son... Jehoiakim... Jehoiachin his son... Shealtiel his son..."

1 Chronicles 3:10-17, Bible (NIV)

"...Jehoshaphat... the father of Jehoram... the father of Uzziah... the father of Jotham... the father of Ahaz... the father of Hezekiah... the father of Manasseh... the father of Amon... the father of Josiah... the father of Jeconiah... the father of Shealtiel..."

Matthew 1:8-12, Bible (NIV)


God forgot 4 generations in Jesus' family tree in the New Testament and messed up some names.




"The Lord said to Satan, 'Where have you come from?' Satan answered the Lord, 'From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it.'"

Job 1:7, Bible (NIV)

"Be alert... Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

1 Peter 5:8, Bible (NIV)

"The angels who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their proper dwelling — these he [God] has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day."

Jude 1:6, Bible (NIV)

"God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment"

2 Peter 2:4, Bible (NIV)

"The devil has been sinning from the beginning."

1 John 3:8, Bible (NIV)


The Bible lost track of whether one of the ex-angels called Satan is roaming throughout the earth without God knowing where he was a minute ago, or he is bound by an everlasting chain in the darkness until Judgment day.




"Among the dead no one proclaims your [God's] name. Who praises you from the grave?"

Psalm 6:5, Bible (NIV)

"I am set apart with the dead, like the slain who lie in the grave, whom you [God] remember no more... Do you show your wonders to the dead? Do their spirits rise up and praise you? Is your love declared in the grave?"

Psalm 88:5-11, Bible (NIV)

"The dead praise not the Lord"

Psalm 115:17, Bible (KJV)

"You [God] restored me to health and let me live... For the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise... The living — they praise you"

Isaiah 38:16-18, Bible (NIV)


The earlier parts of the Bible say that everything ends with physical death. People who died just vanish; they can't praise God and he doesn't even remember them. The afterlife concept appears in the Bible centuries later when the idea of the afterlife already gained enough popularity in the culture and God was trying to catch up and leverage it.




"When you ascended on high, you took many captives; you received gifts from people"

Psalm 68:18, Bible (NIV)

"To each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says: 'When he ascended on high, he took many captives and gave gifts to his people.'"

Ephesians 4:7-8, Bible (NIV)


Received gifts or gave gifts? That's quite a big difference for the same story.




"The earth that he established forever."

Psalm 78:69, Bible (NIV)

"Then I saw 'a new heaven and a new earth,' for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away"

Revelation 21:1, Bible (NIV)


It says established forever, but then says it will pass away. A biblical "consistency".




"Blessed are those who fear the Lord... wealth and riches are in their houses"

Psalm 112:1-3, Bible (NIV)

"It is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven... It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."

Matthew 19:23-24 = Mark 10:23-25, Bible (NIV)


The Old Testament promises of immediate monetary rewards kept failing and proved themselves false. So, the Christian brand took an easier path: promising rewards after you die. Those are much easier to "deliver" because you never have to. 




"Lord... all your commands are true... you established them to last forever."

Psalm 119:151-152, Bible (NIV)


Do you remember the Lord's command to kill infidels (Deuteronomy 17:2-5), even if they are your family members (Deuteronomy 13:6-10)? And the command to have your daughter killed if she happens to be not a virgin at the wedding day (Deuteronomy 22:13-21)? And to kill your son if he misbehaves (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)? How about the command to kill for doing any work on Sabbath day (Exodus 35:2), and many other commands alike? The Bible says they're established to last forever. Of course, you can find verses in the New Testament which say that the old law is no longer applicable, but that simply reveals yet another contradiction. "Forever" means forever, not a few hundred years. Now, you can choose to lie to yourself to justify a worthless barbaric book; or you can choose a better way without it.




"God... who alone does great wonders"

Psalm 136:2-4, Bible (NIV)

"Satan... will use all sorts of displays of power through signs and wonders"

2 Thessalonians 2:9, Bible (NIV)


God lost wonder monopoly. That must have been a bad poker night for God.




"Happy is the man that findeth wisdom"

Proverbs 3:13, Bible (KJV)

"In much wisdom is much grief"

Ecclesiastes 1:18, Bible (KJV)


Happy or grievous? God doesn't know how it feels to be wise, because he is not.




"In the house of the righteous there is much treasure, but trouble befalls the income of the wicked."

Proverbs 15:6, Bible (KJV)

"Woe to you who are rich"

Luke 6:24, Bible (KJV)


Jesus, what happened? The Old Testament says that wealth and riches are an indication of righteousness. You, on the opposite, condemn it. Do you do it just so that both prosperity preachers and asceticism preachers could pick whatever suits their sermon better?




"The living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing; they have no further reward... In the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom."

Ecclesiastes 9:5-10, Bible (NIV)


A conscious afterlife? Nope, the Bible says there is none. There are other passages saying that the afterlife is mentally active and people can even have debates with God there (e.g. Matthew 17:3), but that's the problem with the Bible: it has contradicting statements on most religious subjects and can support almost any belief you prefer. Just pick the passages you like and call them literate. Ignore the others and call them metaphorical. Problem solved.




"Zedekiah king of Judah. This is what the Lord says concerning you: You will not die by the sword; you will die peacefully."

Jeremiah 34:4, Bible (NIV)

"The king of Babylon killed the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes... Then he put out Zedekiah’s eyes... put him in prison till the day of his death."

Jeremiah 52:10-11, Bible (NIV)


To God, having your children slaughtered before you, then getting your eyes put out and being thrown into prison to slowly rot there until you die is a peaceful death.




Matthew 1:6-16
Luke 3:23-31


The entire passages are too long to quote here, but if you look them up, you'll notice that per Matthew genealogy of Jesus has 28 generations between King David and him, but Luke says there were 43. Also, some names in the trees don't match.




"Matthan the father of Jacob, and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, and Mary was the mother of Jesus"

Matthew 1:15-16, Bible (NIV)

"Jesus... was the son, so it was thought, of Joseph, the son of Heli, the son of Matthat"

Luke 3:23-24, Bible (NIV)


Was Jacob or Heli Jesus' grandpa?




"After Jesus was born in Bethlehem... Herod called the Magi... He sent them to Bethlehem... On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary... When they had gone... he [Joseph] got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, where he stayed until the death of Herod."

Matthew 2:1-15, Bible (NIV)


"When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses [in 40 days after the birth], Joseph and Mary took him [Jesus] to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord... When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth."

Luke 2:22,39, Bible (NIV)


As per Matthew, they ran to Egypt from Bethlehem right after Jesus' birth and stayed there for a long time. As per Luke, they went to Jerusalem, did all the rituals, and then went back home to Galilee. One of the authors is wrong. Or both are wrong.




"As soon as Jesus was baptized... a voice from heaven said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.'"

Matthew 3:16-17, Bible (NIV)

"Jesus... was baptized... Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water... a voice came from heaven: 'You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.'"

Mark 1:9-11, Bible (NIV); similar: Luke 3:21-22


"This is my Son" vs. "You are my Son" sounds like not a big deal at all, but the book claims to communicate God's words. At least one of the direct quotes is inevitably wrong.




"When Jesus heard that John had been put in prison, he withdrew to Galilee... As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will send you out to fish for people.'"

Matthew 4:12,18-19, Bible (NIV)

"Andrew... had followed Jesus. The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, 'We have found the Messiah' (that is, the Christ). And he brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, 'You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas' (which, when translated, is Peter)... Jesus and his disciples went out into the Judean countryside... This was before John was put in prison."

John 1:40-42; 3:22-24, Bible (NIV)


The authors forgot to get aligned on when Peter and Andrew became Christ's disciples: before or after John the Baptist's imprisonment.




"Anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell."

Matthew 5:23, Bible (NIV)

"Those who trust in themselves are fools"

Proverbs 28:26, Bible (NIV)

"[Jesus said]: 'You blind fools!'"

Matthew 23:17, Bible (NIV)

"[Jesus said]: 'Ye fools'"

Luke 11:40, Bible (KJV)

"Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not quickened, except it die"

1 Corinthians 15:36, Bible (KJV)


If the Bible is true, then a biblical prophet, an apostle, and Jesus himself are clearly in danger of the fire of hell.




"When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 'Lord,' he said, 'my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.' Jesus said to him, 'Shall I come and heal him?' The centurion replied, 'Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed.'"

Matthew 8:5-8, Bible (NIV)

"Jesus... entered Capernaum. There a centurion's servant... was sick and about to die. The centurion heard of Jesus and sent some elders of the Jews to him, asking him to come and heal his servant... So Jesus went with them. He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: 'Lord, don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed.'"

Luke 7:1-7, Bible (NIV)


Did the centurion come himself or send ambassadors?




"A synagogue leader came and knelt before him [Jesus] and said, 'My daughter has just died. But come and put your hand on her, and she will live.'"

Matthew 9:18, Bible (NIV)

"One of the synagogue leaders, named Jairus, came, and when he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet. He pleaded earnestly with him, 'My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.'"

Mark 5:22-23, Bible (NIV)


"Has died" or "is dying"? That's quite a big divergence for a perfect and divine book.




"Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry and began to pick some heads of grain and eat them. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to him, 'Look! Your disciples are doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath.' He answered, 'Haven't you read what David did when he and his companions were hungry? He entered the house of God, and he and his companions ate the consecrated bread — which was not lawful for them to do, but only for the priests.'"

Matthew 12:1-4, Bible (NIV); similar: Mark 2:23-26, Luke 6:1-4


Jesus says that breaking the Sabbath is fine if a person needs to. God should have said so earlier, before getting people executed for it (e.g. Numbers 15:32-35). Or was Jesus just saving their asses from a premature execution?




"Whoever is not with me [Jesus] is against me"

Matthew 12:30 = Luke 11:23, Bible (NIV)

"Whoever is not against us [Jesus&Co] is for us."

Mark 9:40, Bible (NIV); similar: Luke 9:50


Jesus is not familiar with the concept of neutrality. He sees the world in black and white, which sometimes interchange in his head.




"The mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him. 'What is it you want?' he asked. She said, 'Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.'"

Matthew 20:20-21, Bible (NIV)

"James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him [Jesus]. 'Teacher,' they said, 'we want you to do for us whatever we ask.' 'What do you want me to do for you?' he asked. They replied, 'Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.'"

Mark 10:35-37, Bible (NIV)


The mother asked or the sons asked?




"Jesus said unto him [Peter]... This night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice... He [Peter] denied [Jesus] before them all... Another maid saw him... And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man... And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them... Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew."

Matthew 26:34,70-74, Bible (KJV)

"Jesus saith unto him [Peter]... This night, before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice... He [Peter] denied [Jesus]... and the cock crew. And a maid saw him again... And he denied it again. And a little after, they that stood by said again to Peter, Surely thou art one of them... But he began to curse and to swear, saying, I know not this man of whom ye speak. And the second time the cock crew."

Mark 14:30,67-72, Bible (KJV)


Will Peter deny before the cock crows one time or two times? Did it crow after the third denial or the first denial?




"Jesus remained silent. The high priest said to him, 'I charge you under oath by the living God: Tell us if you are the Messiah, the Son of God.' 'You have said so,' Jesus replied. 'But I say to all of you: From now on you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven.'"

Matthew 26:63-64, Bible (NIV)

"Jesus remained silent and gave no answer. Again the high priest asked him, 'Are you the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed One?' 'I am,' said Jesus. 'And you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven.'"

Mark 14:61-62, Bible (NIV)


Aren't quotations of Jesus supposed to be precise? "You have said so" and "I am" are very different phrases. How can you know his other "I am"s are the real "I am"s?




"Judas... returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders... Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself. The chief priests picked up the coins... They decided to use the money to buy the potter's field as a burial place for foreigners."

Matthew 27:3-7, Bible (NIV)

"With the payment he received for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out."

Acts 1:18, Bible (NIV)


The priests or Judas bought the field?




"What was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet was fulfilled: 'They took the thirty pieces of silver, the price set on him by the people of Israel, and they used them to buy the potter's field, as the Lord commanded me.'"

Matthew 27:9-10, Bible (NIV)

"They paid me thirty pieces of silver. And the Lord said to me, 'Throw it to the potter' — the handsome price at which they valued me! So I took the thirty pieces of silver and threw them to the potter at the house of the Lord."

Zechariah 11:12-13, Bible (NIV)


Leaving the misquote alone, the best part here is that Matthew confused Jeremiah with Zechariah who is the only prophet speaking of thirty pieces of silver.




"They stripped him [Jesus] and put a scarlet robe on him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head."

Matthew 27:28, Bible (NIV)

"The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his [Jesus'] head. They clothed him in a purple robe"

John 19:2, Bible (NIV)

contradictions in the bible




"Above his head they placed the written charge against him: THIS IS JESUS, THE KING OF THE JEWS."

Matthew 27:37, Bible (NIV)


"The written notice of the charge against him [Jesus] read: THE KING OF THE JEWS."

Mark 15:26, Bible (NIV)


"There was a written notice above him [Jesus], which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS."

Luke 23:38, Bible (NIV)


"Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS."

John 19:19, Bible (NIV)


The Bible can't reach consistency even in its quotes of a short written phrase on the cross. 3 of the 4 given versions can't be correct.




"Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the [Jesus'] tomb. There... the angel said to the women... 'I know that you are looking for Jesus... He is not here... Go quickly and tell his disciples'... So The women hurried away from the tomb... and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. 'Greetings,' he said. They came to him, clasped his feet"

Matthew 28:1-9, Bible (NIV)

"Mary stood outside the [Jesus'] tomb crying... she turned around and saw Jesus standing there... Jesus said, 'Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father.'"

John 20:11-17, Bible (NIV)


Did the women meet Jesus on their way from the tomb or at the tomb? Did they clasp his feet or weren't allowed to touch him?




"Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit"

Matthew 28:19, Bible (NIV)

"Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ"

Acts 2:38, Bible (NIV)


In the name of all three or only of Jesus?




"There was delivered unto him [Jesus] the book of the prophet Esaias [Isaiah]... He found the place where it was written, The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord."

Luke 4:17-19, Bible (KJV)

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord"

Isaiah 61:1-2, Bible (KJV)


There is nothing about recovering sight to the blind in that passage from Isaiah which Jesus "quoted".




"While they [the disciples] were still talking... Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, 'Peace be with you.' They were startled and frightened"

Luke 24:36-37, Bible (NIV)

"When the disciples were together... Jesus came and stood among them and said, 'Peace be with you!'... The disciples were overjoyed"

John 20:19-20, Bible (NIV)


It's the same post-resurrection appearance of Jesus, but the Bible is confused about whether the disciples were frightened or overjoyed to see the zombie.




"Whoever believes in me [Jesus], as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'"

John 7:38, Bible (ESV)


Vice Verses will give $100 to anyone who will show where the Scripture has said that. Other than here, of course.




"Suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest... And the men which journeyed with him [Saul] stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man."

Acts 9:3-7, Bible (KJV)

"Suddenly there shone from heaven a great light round about me [Saul]. And I fell unto the ground, and heard a voice saying unto me, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? And I answered, Who art thou, Lord? And he said unto me, I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom thou persecutest... And they that were with me saw indeed the light, and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me."

Acts 22:6-9, Bible (KJV)


They heard the voice, but they did not hear the voice. No contradiction at all.




"You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols"

Acts 15:29, Bible (NIV)

"Do not those who eat the sacrifices participate in the altar?... The sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons. You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord's table and the table of demons."

1 Corinthians 10:18-21, Bible (NIV)

"About eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that 'An idol is nothing at all in the world' and that 'There is no God but one'... But not everyone possesses this knowledge. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat sacrificial food they think of it as having been sacrificed to a god, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do."

1 Corinthians 8:4-8, Bible (NIV)


It's demonically bad to eat food sacrificed to idols, but at the same time, it's not bad. Something like that.




"A person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law."

Romans 3:28, Bible (NIV)

"A person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ."

Galatians 2:16, Bible (NIV)

"By grace you have been saved, through faith — and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast."

Ephesians 2:8-9, Bible (NIV)

"A man came up to Jesus and asked, 'Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?'... Jesus replied... 'If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.'"

Matthew 19:16-17, Bible (NIV)

"All who are in their graves will hear his [God's] voice and come out — those who have done what is good will rise to live, and those who have done what is evil will rise to be condemned."

John 5:28-29, Bible (NIV)

"Blessed are they that do his [God's] commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the [heavenly] city."

Revelation 22:14, Bible (KJV)


God can't decide how he saves people.




"If Abraham were justified by works, he hath whereof to glory... For what saith the scripture? Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him for righteousness."

Romans 4:2-3, Bible (KJV)

"Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar?"

James 2:21, Bible (KJV)


God is unsure whether he justified Abraham by faith or by works.




"It is written: 'See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes people to stumble and a rock that makes them fall, and the one who believes in him will never be put to shame.'"

Romans 9:33, Bible (NIV)


Can someone help find where this quote is written? Here is a hint: this is a random salad from 2 unrelated verses, Isaiah 8:14 and 28:16. If you are skilled in apologetics, you'll find a way to explain this mix. If you are honest with yourself, you'll realize that this is an unpardonable misquote.




"All things are lawful unto me [apostle Paul], but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not."

1 Corinthians 10:23, Bible (KJV); similar: 1 Corinthians 6:12


Bipolar teachings of the Bible swing from murdering for gathering sticks on Saturday to pronouncing that everything is lawful but not always beneficial. By the time of writing this passage, many things changed since the Old Testament law: God's nation no longer could enforce his law because the power of Yahweh's religious authorities was limited to what Romans allowed them to do. But God's hunger for fame didn't go anywhere, he had to come up with new ways of getting it.




"Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing — if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety."

1 Timothy 2:14-15, Bible (NIV)


This passage is quite unique. It directly says that the gates of salvation open for women by childbearing, which is pretty contrary to other biblical doctrines.




"God... is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe."

1 Timothy 4:10, Bible (NIV)


This verse says that all people are saved by God, especially the believers, which is contrary to many other passages talking about the total rejection of unbelievers by God. There are interpretational workarounds to smooth this problem out, but the Bible is far far away from the consistency it's often credited for. 




"Avoid foolish controversies and genealogies... because these are unprofitable and useless."

Titus 3:9, Bible (NIV)


God dedicated many many pages of the Bible to genealogies, which the other part of the Bible calls useless. You can come up with a secret meaning in it, but it looks very much like a simple disconnect between the authors.




"It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age and who have fallen away, to be brought back to repentance... Land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless... In the end it will be burned."

Hebrews 6:4-8, Bible (NIV)

"If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning."

2 Peter 2:20, Bible (NIV)

"They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us."

1 John 2:19, Bible (NIV)


So, people can get "unsaved", but they can't because another passage claims that the saved people never leave the congregation of the saved. By the way, the last verse is often used by Christians to dismiss arguments of ex-Christians in a way of "You never got it, you talk about things you don't know". At those moments they forget the first two verses. Cherry-picking + religion work so well together.




"It will not be like the covenant I [God] made with their ancestors when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they did not remain faithful to my covenant, and I turned away from them, declares the Lord."

Hebrews 8:9, Bible (NIV)

"'It will not be like the covenant I [God] made with their ancestors when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke my covenant, though I was a husband to them,' declares the Lord."

Jeremiah 31:32, Bible (NIV)


If you read the entire chapters you'll see that Hebrews 8 tried to quote Jeremiah 32, but God is bad at remembering the details.




"The Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning."

James 1:17, Bible (KJV)


Looks like James just didn't read the rest of the Bible, so he didn't know that God was regretting, changing his mind, and taking new courses all over the place.




"Do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, 'He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us'?"

James 4:5, Bible (ESV)


Yet another reference to a nonexistent quote from the Scripture.





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