BIBLICAL FAMILY MODEL IS NOT AS GOOD AS YOU THINK

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"All the men from every part of the city of Sodom — both young and old — surrounded the house. They called to Lot, 'Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.' Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said, 'No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.'"

Genesis 19:4-8, Bible (NIV)

"He [God] condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah... He rescued Lot, a righteous man"

2 Peter 2:6-7, Bibel (NIV)

 

Remember, when a crowd of rapists comes to your house demanding your guests who are strangers you've never met before, the "righteous" Lot's solution is to give your own children to the rapists.

 

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"God said, 'Take your son, your only son, whom you love — Isaac — and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering'... He [Abraham] bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son."

Genesis 22:2-10, Bible (NIV)

 

God doesn't care how the poor kid will keep living with a dad who was willing to suddenly stab and grill him as a sacrifice per the command of an invisible friend.

 

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"He [Abraham] said to the senior servant... 'Go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.'"

Genesis 24:2-4, Bible (NIV)

 

God could have done better than supporting arranged marriages and inbreeding.

 

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"If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do."

Exodus 21:7, Bible (NIV)

 

Selling your daughter into slavery is fine. As a female, she must never gain freedom.

 

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"If he [a man] marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money."

Exodus 21:10-11, Bible (NIV)

 

Biblical family model as per God's commandments: a man and a woman…and another woman...and more women as long as man can afford them. Why isn't this most 'traditional' model taught in Sunday Schools? Along with a loophole to send away unwanted wives by just refusing to provide for them.

 

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"Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death."

Exodus 21:17, Leviticus 20:9, Bible (NIV)

 

God is so good at unconditionally disregarding children's feelings. He doesn't care if he provided you horrible parents. If you complain, you die.

 

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"Aaron's sons Nadab and Abihu... offered unauthorized fire before the Lord... So fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord... Then Moses said to Aaron and his sons Eleazar and Ithamar, 'Do not let your hair become unkempt and do not tear your clothes, or you will die and the Lord will be angry with the whole community.'"

Leviticus 10:1-6, Bible (NIV)

 

God would have killed Aaron and been angry with his entire community if he'd mourned for his two dead sons killed by God's magical fire. How compassionate.

 

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"If a priest's daughter defiles herself by becoming a prostitute, she disgraces her father; she must be burned in the fire."

Leviticus 21:9, Bible (NIV)

 

Lunatic God thinks honor killings are fair.

 

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"He [priest] must not marry a widow, a divorced woman, or a woman defiled by prostitution, but only a virgin from his own people, so that he will not defile his offspring"

Leviticus 21:14-15, Bible (NIV)

 

God treats women as sex toys. He thinks "used" women are no good for priests and will produce faulty offspring. What about "used" men?

 

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"If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, 'Let us go and worship other gods'... Show them no pity. Do not spare them or shield them. You must certainly put them to death. Your hand must be the first in putting them to death, and then the hands of all the people. Stone them to death" 

Deuteronomy 13:6-10, Bible (NIV)

 

The quintessence of biblical family values: you have to immediately kill your children, spouses, siblings, and friends for an invitation to worship their imaginary friend instead of your imaginary friend.

 

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"When you go to war... and you take captives, if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife... After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her... If you are not pleased with her, let her go wherever she wishes."

Deuteronomy 21:10-14, Bible (NIV)

 

Imagine being in her place: a mob of fanatics invaded your homeland, murdered your family before your eyes, took you in captivity and now one of them uses you for his pleasure as long as you stay pleasing. The Yahweh way.

 

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"If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town... Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death... All Israel will hear of it and be afraid." 

Deuteronomy 21:18-21, Bible (NIV)

 

God wants parents to kill their disobedient children so that others hear it, get afraid and become submissive. God is so far behind in psychology that fear is the only family-building method he knows.

 

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"If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him... and he writes her a certificate of divorce... and sends her from his house, and if... she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce ... and sends her from his house... then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled."

Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Bible (NIV)

 

Biblical fairness: only men can initiate a divorce, and only women are considered "defiled".

 

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"If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband's brother shall take her and marry her... if a man does not want to marry his brother's wife... his brother's widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face... That man's line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled."

Deuteronomy 25:5, Bible (NIV)

 

Personal preferences in marriage don't matter to God. The brother of the deceased has an option to decline the marriage though, but the widow is not given a choice.

 

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"Caleb said, 'I will give my daughter Aksah in marriage to the man who attacks and captures Kiriath Sepher.' Othniel son of Kenaz, Caleb's brother, took it; so Caleb gave his daughter Aksah to him in marriage."

Joshua 15:16-17, Bible (NIV)

 

God supports giving away children as a payment for mercenary services in holy wars. God was totally fine with this transaction.

 

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"Some of the wicked men of the city [Gibeah] surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old man who owned the house, 'Bring out the man [a Levite] who came to your house so we can have sex with him.' The owner of the house went outside and said to them, 'No, my friends, don't be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don't do this outrageous thing. Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever you wish. But as for this man, don't do such an outrageous thing.' But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night... When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine... He said to her, 'Get up; let's go.'"

Judges 19:22-28, Bible (NIV)

 

Two great biblical examples here. 
1) The man who offered his daughter to the mob — like "righteous" Lot — because as per biblical standards raping a man is outrageous, but bringing out your daughter and another woman to get gang raped instead is not outrageous at all; it's fine.
2) The Levite's attitude towards his concubine. The Levite is a positive character in this story. He sent her outside to be raped and abused all night and all he says when he sees her in the morning is "Get up, let's go".

 

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"Boaz said, 'On the day you buy the land from Naomi, you also acquire Ruth the Moabite'"

Ruth 4:5-10, Bible (NIV)

 

Biblical special offer: buy a piece of land and get a girl for free.

 

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"Saul replied, 'Say to David, "The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.'"... David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins... Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage."

1 Samuel 18:25-27, Bible (NIV)

 

If you want to propose in a biblical way, slay at least 100 more people from a nation that your future father-in-law doesn't like, cut off their foreskins and pile them up in front of him. Notably, fascination about dicks is one of the keynotes of the Old Testament.

 

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"David then took up residence in the fortress and called it the City of David... And he became more and more powerful, because the Lord God Almighty was with him... David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem"

2 Samuel 5:9-13, Bible (NIV)

 

The degree of God's patronage in someone's life is measured in the Bible by the size of the territory conquered and the number of females for mating. God didn't get far from animals. So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel...

 

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"[Shekaniah said]: 'We have been unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women from the peoples around us... Now let us make a covenant before our God to send away all these women and their children, in accordance with the counsel of my lord'... Ezra the priest stood up and said to them [the Israelites], 'You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel's guilt. Now honor the Lord, the God of your ancestors, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives.'”

Ezra 10:2-11, Bible (NIV)

 

God tells people to be isolated, close-minded, and to abandon their non-local wives and children from those wives because of their alternative religious practices.

 

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"I [prophet Nehemiah] saw men of Judah who had married women from Ashdod, Ammon and Moab. Half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod or the language of one of the other peoples, and did not know how to speak the language of Judah. I rebuked them and called curses down on them. I beat some of the men and pulled out their hair. I made them take an oath in God's name and said: 'You are not to give your daughters in marriage to their sons, nor are you to take their daughters in marriage for your sons or for yourselves. Was it not because of marriages like these that Solomon king of Israel sinned?... He was led into sin by foreign women. Must we hear now that you too are doing all this terrible wickedness and are being unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women?"

Nehemiah 13:23-27, Bible (NIV)

 

Have you married a woman of a different religion from a different nationality, speaking a different language and now your kids speak her language? This is a terrible wickedness! She will turn you into a filthy sinner! God believes so.

 

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"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Proverbs 13:24, Bible (KJV)

"Chasten thy son... and let not thy soul spare for his crying."

Proverbs 19:18, Bible (KJV)

 

Countless children got lifetime emotional wounds from abuse instigated by this disgusting "wisdom".

 

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"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

Proverbs 22:15, Bible (KJV)

 

Heartless God teaches people how to be heartless parents.

 

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"I [God] will remove both the prophets and the spirit of impurity from the land. And if anyone still prophesies, their father and mother, to whom they were born, will say to them, 'You must die, because you have told lies in the Lord's name.' Then their own parents will stab the one who prophesies."

Zechariah 13:2-3, Bible (NIV)

 

God wants parents to kill their children for a few unsanctioned words.

 

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"Every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my [Jesus'] name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life."
Matthew 19:29, Bible (KJV); similar: Mark 10:29-31, Luke 18:29-30
"Those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my [Jesus'] disciples."

Luke 14:33, Bible (NIV)

 

Wanna be cool with Jesus? He wants you to forsake your real family and real property in exchange for promises of an imaginary post-mortem otherworldly and completely unverifiable reward. A perfect con.

 

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"The kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom... The bridegroom arrived. The [five] virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet."

Matthew 25:1-10, Bible (NIV)

 

Jesus is not for "one man — one woman" marriage. He is for "one man — ten women" marriage! Or at least five. This parable references it as the usual way to go.

 

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"Another [man] said [to Jesus], 'I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.' Jesus replied, 'No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'"

Luke 9:61-62, Bible (NIV)

 

God wants people to abandon their families without even saying goodbye before departing to do for God what God can't do himself.

 

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"If anyone comes to me [Jesus] and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters... such a person cannot be my disciple... Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other"

Luke 14:26; 12:51-52, Bible (NIV)

 

Do you hate your unbelieving family members, and see them as your enemies? No? Then you're are not discipling right.

 

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